Telling Your Husband or Wife You Want a Divorce

Deciding to divorce is very difficult and unfortunately, the next step – telling your husband or wife you want a divorce – is no easier. In fact many people find this first step toward divorce extremely difficult, and for good reason.

couple thinking about divorceFor one thing, telling a wife or husband that you want a divorce makes divorce real. It is the first actual step toward divorce – the pivotal point at which divorce is no longer “an idea” but something that is actually happening. In short, it’s a life-changing event.

Secondly, telling a spouse you want a divorce is one of the most emotionally-intimidating steps in divorce, hot on the heels of the emotional task of deciding to divorce in the first place.

Now, there’s the inevitably emotional task of telling your partner, and the uncertainty of how they will react.

All that’s certain is that there will be a complex mix of feelings in play – how you feel, how your husband or wife feels, and how you feel about how they are feeling.

Altogether, the task of telling a husband or wife about a decision to divorce is understandably intimidating. Ironically, the less conflict there has been in a marriage, the more intimidating it is – the decision is more likely to take a husband or wife by surprise.

Preparation is Essential

Unfortunately, fear of telling a spouse makes people delay and delay, or second-guess their decision to divorce even though it is quite clearly the right one. Many people do manage to tell their husband or wife but faced with their reaction, back down from their decision.

How do you overcome any fears you might have, and protect yourself from changing your mind?

Before you tell your husband or wife that you want a divorce it is essential to be fully-prepared by planning out your talk ahead of time.

“Planning” includes knowing when to have your talk, what to say and how to say it. It also means being prepared for and knowing how to deal with emotions – how you feel yourself when you tell them you want a divorce (which may surprise you) and how your husband or wife reacts.

Being well-prepared will achieve two important things:

  • It will make the prospect of telling your spouse far less intimidating.
  • It will help you stick to your guns – to the fact that you want a divorce.

Get a Ready-Made Plan to Help You Tell Your Husband or Wife

How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce provides a set of guidelines for telling your husband or wife about your decision.

It is not realistic to say these guidelines will make the process “easy” – ending a marriage is rarely easy. But, they will help you form a realistic and achievable plan of how your talk will play out – at minimum “cost” to either of you.

Even if you are not particularly concerned about how your husband or wife will be affected, how you tell them that you want a divorce will affect the nature of your divorce. If you are anxious to avoid a contentious divorce for your own and/or your children’s sake, it is wise to bear this in mind and start as you mean to go on.

Look Beyond Your Talk

The good news is that once you have told your husband or wife you want a divorce, you will experience a sea change in how you feel about divorce.

As with many “dreaded” situations in life, you’ll quickly realize that divorce is less frightening in reality than you’d imagined, and see the process of divorce for what it is. Challenging as it may be, at the end of the day it is just that – a “process” – with a great  deal of expert advice, services and self-help tools available to help you manage it effectively, day-by-day, step-by-step.

“Telling Your Husband or Wife You Want a Divorce” is an original article by Molly Laws, exclusive to this site and protected by Copyright.

Posted in: Divorce Steps and Planning

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